Light In A Dark World

This article was originally published in the Franklin News-Post.

My wife and I continue to be invited to speak, preach, and share testimonies at churches and other venues, nearly every week.  It has been a humbling experience.  Lately, the messages have featured my battles with depression and suicidal ideation; and my wife’s steadfast love in walking this journey with me.

For thirty years (1979 – 2009), I was in a fight for my life.  Terri Lee endured the first 22 years of our marriage (1987 – 2009) during this time.  My depression and thoughts and acts of suicide were rooted in internal hatred, shame, and disgust about the reflection I saw of myself.  I struggled nearly every single day with the fight to simply make it to the next day.  I put up a façade to hide all that was going on in my heart, body, mind, and spirit.
In 2009, while enrolled in an outpatient Christian counseling program, I finally had a breakthrough.  After 30 years, I finally realized and accepted that I had to move in forgiveness toward the man that had molested me as a child.  The exercise of moving in forgiveness was so powerful.  I recall awaking on a morning in February 2009 and I no longer wanted to be dead.  For the first time in 30 years, (and practically my entire life), I wanted to live.  That’s what forgiveness did for me.

For the next six years, I lived a life that continued to be isolating.  I had experienced my breakthrough; but, I was not ready to embrace others. I did the best that I could do; but, truthfully, I just wanted to be left alone.  I kept most everyone at arm’s length.  During these six years, I had to move more deeply in acts of forgiveness.  When my brother and his wife were accidentally killed in August 2015, I was called to move in forgiveness once again.  In this most recent situation, I experienced a second, more-profound breakthrough.  It was at a level that I could finally understand the forgiveness that God made available to me through the life, death, and resurrection of His son, Jesus Christ.

I share all of this to say this.  We live in a world that knows evil, hatred, racism, anger, and depression.  We have witnessed acts that are the manifestation of these and other conditions.  If you are suffering through something, HANG ON!  Seek God.  Find a way, find a person that can help you get to the next day.  I promise you that there are people that care.  God loves you.  God knows your heart.

If you do not suffer from these afflictions, because you have fought through it or maybe your life’s trials have been rooted in other circumstances, let someone know you care.  Let them know you love them. Pray specifically for them.  Seek an opportunity to be Jesus in the life of someone who is hurting.  Be the light that each of us are called to be.