I Have My Issues

This article was originally published in the Franklin News-Post.

I recently had the opportunity to share a message at a church service.  It was a difficult one for me to share as it required me to confess a struggle that I have had for some time.  A couple of weeks ago, I was able to participate as part of a team during a weekend discipleship experience.  As I prepared for my role in this process, I prayed for God to allow me to see myself and the sin in my life the way that He saw my sin.  When you pray a prayer like that, watch out!

What was revealed to me as a result of this prayer was that I needed to address the manner in which I speak toward my wife, particularly in the privacy of our home.  I have used this column to celebrate the love I have for my wife.  And that is absolutely true.  My wife is very dear and precious to me.  However, at times, I would come home and verbally release my frustrations in her direction.  Most often, the issue that upset me had nothing to do with my wife.  But, nonetheless, I lodged comments in her direction.  God revealed to me that I was hurting her.

Whenever I am going to be traveling away from home, my wife will write me notes to encourage me while I am away.  The night before I left for this discipleship experience, my wife wrote four letters for me.  One was for each day – Thursday through Sunday.  The first three letters I read at bedtime.  The fourth letter I read on Sunday morning.

As I participated in activities during the course of this weekend, I confessed to the men in attendance the sin that God had revealed to me.  I shared that I had been making excuses for why I engaged in such behavior.  My wife loved me unconditionally.  She was a “safe” target for me to vent.  I rationalized that there was nothing I could really do about it, because we all need to let out our frustrations.

Paul’s letter to the Galatians, specifically 5:22-23 (NKJV), reads, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  Against such there is no law.”  If the Holy Spirit abides in me, than I have self-control.  I thought about the manner in which I conduct myself when my wife and I are in public.  I thought about how I speak to others, even when I am frustrated.  I know that I exercise more self-control in each of those circumstances.  Through prayer and a conscious choice, I knew I could behave differently.

I heard other men share experiences of loneliness.  I heard men speak of challenges they were facing relating to being single or divorced.  I immediately reflected upon the gift I have in my wife.  It drove home the significance that this sin represented in my life.  I really needed to change in this regard.

On Sunday morning, the final day of this experience, I opened the last letter that my wife had written.  I had not said anything to her about what God had revealed to me prior to leaving.  And this letter I was reading on Sunday morning had been written by her on Wednesday evening prior to my departure.  Two sentences she wrote in the second paragraph read, “I pray that He (God) will give you patience and the ability to hold your tongue when you feel the need to lash out at me.  Instead, you will see how I love you unconditionally.”